Forgiving
by deanbears
Summary: Snape sneaks in on the party of James & Lily's wedding, he thought he was invisible to all, but he'd forgotten how powerful Lily was. Sad one-shot, happens at the wedding party of Lily&James. AU


_To Emily:  
>I think I can say that this story is loosely inspired by your videos.<br>Ever since I started watching those, I needed to write a fanfic, but it never really, came..  
>But here it is, finished, short, sad story about LilyEvans&amp;SeverusSnape.<br>I think I can easily say that this one's dedicated to you!  
>Thank you, you flower-chair-person =)!<br>_

He knew he shouldn´t be here. He was neglecting all of his duties, and risking not only his life, but also all of the people attending this wedding, and most important the bride herself.

He hadn´t been at the ceremony, but he arrived just after the party began.

Severus didn´t know what brought him here, he knew the wedding was today, and at this place, but he´d never intended to go. Even though he hated himself, he wouldn´t make himself go here and watch the love of his life marry some git he absolutely despises. No, he wouldn´t do that, but here he is, watching the happy couple chattering, laughing and staring into each others eyes.

Even though Snape´s invisibility spell was very powerful, he couldn´t afford to stay long. If he´d been discovered he´d be a dead man.

Snape started walking around to see who were here. He´d spotted Albus Dumbledore, head of Hogwarts, he´d taken some of his colleagues with him. Minerva McGonagall, Horace Slughorn, Filius Flitwick, even that Muggle Studies teacher was there. Figures, Lily had always been perfect in Muggle Studies. She was perfect in every imaginable way. It was him who had spoiled everything, thrown it all away, with just not thinking. Acting before thinking. He´d always regret it. That day, that awful day, he should never had said it. Nothing had been the same, he´d tried apologizing, but she hadn´t bought it.

'I'm sorry.' he said, trying to make up.

'I'm not interested.' Lily replied, looking coldly in his eyes.

'I'm sorry!' he said again, more desperate.

'Save your breath.'

Lily didn't move, standing with her arms crossed, looking at him with nothing but disgust.

'I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.'

_Severus looked away._

'I was. I would have done, I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –'

_'Slipped out?' Lily burst, showing no pity at all towards him. 'It's too late, I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends –'_

_Snape cringed at the words._

'You see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?'

Lily's words stabbed him sharply in the chest, each word deeper and deeper.

He opened his mouth to say he's sorry, but one look at Lily shut him up, and he closed it again.

'I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.' Lily said quietly.

'No – listen, I didn't mean –'

'– to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?' she cried.

She stood there for a while, looking at him, pain on her face, but turning. Turning and disappearing through the portrait hole.

He felt a single tear roll down his face. 'Because I love you...' he muttered, only for him to hear.

This memory, the worst, of all of them. The only true friend he ever had, and he had blown it.

Lily had been right, he had joined the Death Eaters, but not because he thought the Dark Lord was that great, just because he didn´t have anything else. He had nothing worth living for, cause he´d thrown it all away.

The woman of his dreams moved towards him. She looked beautiful, as always.

For a second he thought she was coming to him, but then he realised he was invisible and not even supposed to be here. He stepped aside quickly to let Lily pass.

She didn't pass him though, she stopped next to him and looked around. Her eyes seemed to rest on him a bit longer before she looked away again. She headed for Dumbledore, and Severus followed her. Determined to not loose her out of his sight.

'Professor, James and I are so happy you could come.' Lily said while taking a seat next to the man.

Dumbledore smiled brightly.

'I never say no to a party, besides a wedding is the best party. People always tend to drink a little too much and before you know it, you hear a good gossip. I see Hagrid already started.'

Lily laughed. Snape had always found it to be a beautiful light and happy sound. A natural laugh, nothing forced to it.

'Talking about gossip, I heard a rumour of Professor Slughorn retiring, is this true, professor?' Lily asked Dumbledore innocently.

He laughed. 'Still rumours, dear Lily. He has mentioned it, but I do not think he will retire for another year or two. He likes his comfort at the school.' Dumbledore said kindly.

'Now, if you will excuse me, I will go to Hagrid and have a brandy.' Dumbeldore got up.

Lily beamed with happiness she got up and walked toward the toilets. Severus followed her, still not ready to let her go completely.

Rounding the corner, he found her standing in the middle of the hallway, looking straight at him.

'Do you hold me for a fool, Severus?' she said gently. 'I can see you. And don't tell me you thought I wouldn't see you, because you know I'm a powerful witch.'

'I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean – I just wanted –'

Severus turned. 'I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry.'

Before he could walk away he felt a hand on his arm. A warm small hand.

'Don't.' she said.

Snape looked over his shoulder at Lily. Beautiful Lily, with her eyes as green as grass. Her hair red as fire.

'I should have never let you go like that. I don't know what was wrong with me, Lily.'

She smiled weakly.

'The same as what's wrong with you now, Sev. You've got the wrong friends. Then, and now. I never got it, I still don't. Why waste your life like that? You could be so much more. You're brilliant Severus, really brilliant. I'm just so sorry for the choices you made.'

'I'm sorry too you know. I should have never said that, I was so, utterly wrong. Forgive me, Lily.'

Lily took his hand and squeezed it.

'I already did Severus. I already did. Promise me one thing though.'

'Anything.' he said in a whisper.

'Promise me you'll go on, and do something good. Do something good with your life, I know you can, Sev. I know that somewhere deep inside, he is hiding. The man I always thought you could be, is hiding. You'd better go and find him.'

Snape smiles and squeezed her hand. 'I promise, Lily. I will try.'

Lily smiled at his warmly.

'I'd better go back to my party. Or people will go looking for me. You never know what can happen in these dark times.'

Lily walked away, but before she was around the corner she stopped and looked at Snape again.

'It was nice talking to you, one last time.'

And those were the last words she said to him.


End file.
